What The Papers Talk…

Tottenham are tracking Germany defender Ralf Hutter (left), who plays for Kraftwerk. (Daily Mirror)

Liverpool will offer midfielder Xabi Alonoso a double-your-roast-lamb-shank deal to prevent him being tempted by Real Madrid’s hotpot. (Various)
Portsmouth are chasing Helsingborg star Rat Scabies (right), in a £250,000 swoop that would make the midfielder the first veteran punk drummer to play a drum solo in a Premiership fixture. (Daily Star)

Everton are planning to snare Crewe defender Billy Jones after Stoke failed to lure him into a cardboard box using Tesco’s Finest Duck and Port pate as bait. (Daily Mail)

Fulham will sign Preston’s Samantha Mumba – once the keeper’s loan spell at Wigan ends. (Daily Mail)