Spain go eggs-tra yard to protect players

Fernando Torres, yesterday

Aware of injuries suffered by the likes of Rio Ferdinand and Michael Essien, the Spanish football authorities have decided to wrap players in cotton wool until the start of the tournament.

Each player has been inserted into an individually-moulded giant blue egg which has then been placed inside a man-sized matchbox padded with sheets of cotton wool. Each matchbox has been labelled with the player’s name and transported to the team hotel in South Africa.

Says manager Vincente del Bosque, “We will be hatching each egg just before our first game against Switzerland. We are hoping and praying that all of the players survive.”