England stars tying the knot for team unity

How Heskey the bride might have looked

England’s players are dealing with the absence of their WAGs at this World Cup by enjoying a series of mock weddings to each other as they attempt to pass the evening hours in preparation for the start of the World Cup.

Although Fabio Capello has imposed a strict ban on the presence of players’ wives and girlfriends in the camp, he has sanctioned their request to stage elaborate marriage ceremonies as an integral part of team bonding.

The first ceremony took place on Monday evening when Joe Cole took Emile Heskey to be his lawful wedded World Cup wife, and 24 hours later, Jermain Defoe and Steven Gerrard became betrothed as delighted, and in some cases teary-eyed, team mates looked on.

Players’ names are being drawn out of a hat if they cannot mutually agree on a marriage partner and only Ashley Cole has opted out so far, prompting Capello to urge him to “forget about that painted whore forever!”