Spain – the secrets behind the men that won it
Posted: July 12, 2010 Filed under: Sports Offensive, Uncategorized | Tags: spain, world cup Leave a comment »
Spain have triumphed in the 2010 tournament and here’s some exclusive facts about the players…
IKER CASILLAS – Believes starfish are some kind of sea pastry made from fishy flour.
SERGIO RAMOS – Formerly Spain’s Hairiest Man, Ramos is sponsored by Veet.
GERARD PIQUE – Relaxes by busking with an accordion and pet marmoset outside Seville railway station.
CARLES PUYOL (pictured) – Recently launched a business to create synthetic synthetics.
JOAN CAPDEVILA – Spain’s first solar-powered player, has panel implants in skull.
SERGIO BUSQUETS – Midfield general also plays fuzz bass in Spanish metal outfit Bullsphincter.
PEDRO RODRIGUEZ – Favourite shingle : 6mm Pea.
XAVI HERNANDEZ – Is thought to have made hot, Latino love to 17% of European women.
XABI ALONSO – Lives in the world’s smallest windmill.
ANDRES INIESTA – Weight 29.18 Tonnes, Length 19.92 Metres, Width 2.82 Metres.
DAVID VILLA – Mercurial hitman goes by the graff tag “Kettle”.
FERNANDO TORRES – Favourite Homebase paint colour: Driftwood.
CESC FABREGAS – has tattoo of chorizo sausage on left shoulder.
JESUS NAVAS – Not actually a real person, Navas is world’s first animated 3D player.
Spain go eggs-tra yard to protect players
Posted: June 10, 2010 Filed under: Sports Offensive, Uncategorized | Tags: blue egg, protection, spain 1 Comment »
Fernando Torres, yesterday
Aware of injuries suffered by the likes of Rio Ferdinand and Michael Essien, the Spanish football authorities have decided to wrap players in cotton wool until the start of the tournament.
Each player has been inserted into an individually-moulded giant blue egg which has then been placed inside a man-sized matchbox padded with sheets of cotton wool. Each matchbox has been labelled with the player’s name and transported to the team hotel in South Africa.
Says manager Vincente del Bosque, “We will be hatching each egg just before our first game against Switzerland. We are hoping and praying that all of the players survive.”
