Shorts Offensive – News From Lesser Sports

Monty Priestman, trainer of the legendary invisible horse Take It Away Cho-Cho, has died aged 93. The horse, which could only be seen by Priestman (and latterly his son Theo), has won an incredible 2544 races in a sixty-year career and mourned the loss of his trainer with a convincing eight-lengths triumph at Kelso.


UK featherweight contender Paul Jessop has announced his retirement from the sport due to a persistently itchy leg.


Tickets for this Saturday’s Heineken Cup match between Leicester and Wasps are all void as the back of the tickets contain a voucher entitling the owner to a kiss from Vicki Stimpson, the barmaid of Leicester’s popular Ram’s Hand pub. Miss Stimpson claims she only agreed to kisses on the cheek, whereas the voucher promises ‘a full-on tongue-wrestle’.

Netball_4The match has been postponed.


Great Britain international Melanie Bell (right, left) has won her appeal allowing her to be able to play with her own ball during matches in addition to and separate from the actual match ball, after claiming that her human rights were being breached.

The British Netball Council are launching a similar appeal to Brussels claiming that their own human rights allow one of their representatives to run on to the court and put a spanner through Miss Bell’s fucking ball.


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