Snooker: Ronnie Plans To Out-Fox Opponents

Ronnie O’Sullivan is the favourite to win the inaugural Pro-Animal Masters at Sheffield next month after he unveiled his playing partner, a white fox named Fitzcarraldo.

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Jewell: “I’ll Tear This Club Apart”

Paul Jewell has threatened to completely dismantle Derby County if there are any more abject performances from his team next season.

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Kinnear: Out Of Sight Out Of Mind


Former Wimbledon manager Joe Kinnear has revealed he’s been invisible since January of last year.

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Poker: Robot Shows Its Hand

All internet poker has been temporarily suspended after it was revealed that 97% of all online players are in fact a robot owned by Steven Spielberg.

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Pigeon Racing: Skyman Simon Big Fat Lie-Man?

Pigeon racing has a new star – Simon Hepplestone, a 42 year-old former lecturer (left).

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Refs Are Gonna Be All-Wright


Ian Hatches Plans For Ref Respect

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Situations Vacant – Callers Required For 606

Radio 5 Live are looking for potential applicants to be a caller on their prestigious 606 phone in.

You will have at least three years experience of annoying the living shit out of colleagues, friends and family with your half-baked, lobotomised opinions on football.

A loud foghorn like voice and comical local accent would be beneficial, as well as a mobile phone that doesn’t work properly.

To apply please write a paragraph of incoherent babble starting with the phrase “Hello Alan, I’m on the M1 and I’d just like to say…”