Cowdenbeath Look To The Future

Troubled Cowdenbeath hope to revive their fortunes after signing a player who they say is from the future.

Manager Brian Welsh says, “He claims he can teleport his way around the pitch at hyper light speed, but he hasn’t actually done it yet as he picked up a slight thigh strain on his way here. He’s also really good at complicated maths, and wears sunglasses like Kevin Spacey’s character in ‘K-Pax’. That’s good enough for me and I hope it’ll be good enough for our fans.”

The future traveller, who goes by the name of Zeemod 21 (above) added, ‘This is but a stop on my journey. I will sign for Arsenal in four months. It is a destiny. They cannot impede it.”