Unlucky 13 Blown Out Of League

Thirteen teams have been expelled from the Fogarty Tools South Yorkshire And District League following new ground safety regulations implemented by the league’s controversial chairman Frank Hampton (right).

Hampton has decreed that any club whose automatic hand dryers do not match his own personal specifications will be instantly relegated.

He said “Some of the contraptions I’ve come across have had less power than Wayne Sleep farting through his dancing tights. I and tens of others don’t follow grass roots football in order to dry our hands on our hard-earned trousers. These charlatans will have to learn and I’m teaching them the Frank Hampton way.”

The outspoken chairman’s own business, Hampton’s Hand Dryers, were also recently behind a hostile and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to take over the sponsorship of the league.