Glory, Glory David Beckham!!

Released by the Press and Publicity Department of The Football Association

In a gesture of great magnanimity, Claudio Capello has handed England hero David Beckham the 100th cap he so richly deserves. Beckham will face France in a totally underwhelming sporting event to be staged at the Stade de France this week.

The mighty England band will sound the fanfare as thousands of supporters, draped in the flag of St. George, leaf through their overpriced commemorative programmes and wonder whether it was worth the effort.

History will be made in France as Beckham earns his one hundredth cap, having played in so many meaningless encounters just like this one.

Behind our brave Centurion will be the firm jawed, charismatic captain Rio Ferdinand, determined to put in a so-so performance and lead his team to a rather dispiriting single goal defeat.

“It is a night for heroes,” said Ferdinand, dressed as Queen Elizabeth II. “We need the crowd to be our twelfth man as we don the three lions. All the players will look to the fans to cheer them on as they get substituted at half time or just after.”