Refs – “We’re Sew Happy”

Premier League referees will finally get their own way next season and be allowed to create tapestries that will document their experiences throughout the campaign.

Leading whistle-blower Mark Clattenburg says, “It’s something that a lot of our continental counterparts do, and some of their efforts are extremely beautiful as well as being informative social documents.”

The decision means that irate managers will not be able to confront referees straight after the final whistle as the officials will be hard at work committing their thoughts and feelings to cloth.