Mick’s Metaphors

There’s no one in football more plain-speaking than Wolves boss Mick McCarthy and he regularly uses his programme notes to showcase his own particular brand of straightforwardness. Here are some classic examples of McCarthy calling a spade a trombone…


(on the club’s bid for a play-off place)…
“All the other teams in the play off hunt are capable of beating each other. In a way, they’re just like sheep. It’s our job to become the sheepdogs, round them all up in a corner and bite their necks until they go to sleep.”

(on the difference between the Premier League and the Championship)…
It’s like men against boys but more so. The men have powerful arms, and some of them have a third leg, whereas the boys are small, like dwarves and some of them don’t even have any teeth. I’d even go so far as to say that Colchester are a walking abortion.”

(on Kevin Kyle’s three wasted one-on-one’s against Watford the previous Saturday)…
Kev’s got to pick himself up after it. He’s like the Leaning Tower Of Pisa, but instead of leaning over he’s on the floor. He needs to get up and be proud of himself, like the Eiffel Tower. Or even Tower Records.”

(on the team’s difficult end of season run-in)…
‘There’s no point in looking at the fixture list and seeing an impossible obstacle course filled with fifty foot walls everywhere. We have to treat it as something normal or even something nice, maybe look at it as a pleasurable boat ride. To do that we’ll have to squint instead of looking, and nobody enjoys pulling his socks up and squinting more than Mick McCarthy.”