Ensoccerlopedia: The Showbiz XI

This famous footballing tradition involves members of the public paying large sums of money to see a side that includes I second-rate celebrity and VII of his truly worthless drinking buddies.

The aforementioned individuals will spend the duration of the ‘match’ fannying around trying to convince themselves that they know how to play football and ‘could have made it’ if they hadn’t gone into their chosen career of acting/singing/modelling/appearing on shit reality TV shows.

Also in the team will be III overweight and frankly desperate ex-players grimly holding on to the last vestiges of their career before retiring to a world of pubs, post offices or drab manufacturing companies.