The Future’s Looking Dyer

Often criticised for his attitude, West Ham’s injury-plagued midfielder Kieron Dyer has vowed to redouble his efforts once he regains full fitness.

Dyer has revealed he has three major ambitions for the remainder of 2008; “First, to get a regular spot in the West Ham side, second, to catch the eye of Fabio Capello and, third, to fuck a pair of lesbian twins”.