FA Solve Respect Riddle

As a mark of respect for the death of someone close to a club, football games have been prefaced by either a minutes silence or a minutes applause. However, so many clubs have problems deciding how best to mark this sad occasion that the FA have announced new plans for the 08/09 season.

From August, starting with the Charity Shield, players, officials and fans will alternate silence and applause every five seconds for a total of one minute.

“Referees will blow the whistle to start the applause,” says FA chief Richard Scudamore. “After five seconds they will raise an arm, indicating the first five seconds of respectful silence. After that period of silent reflection has been completed, everyone will honour whoever has died with a further five seconds of applause. And so on. It’s the only sensible solution”.

This means that Bristol City’s plans to honour the death of those associated with the club by a minute of human beatboxing will almost certainly have to be put on ice. “It’s a rotten shame”, reveals an insider. “City fan MC Brizzle is the UK beatbox champion and can lip mix a mad hip hop beat with the Funeral March”.