Manc-Hating Mike Spouting Sour Ballacks

Michael Ballack has launched a lengthy attack against Manchester United as the sour grapes continue to ejaculate from Stamford Bridge ahead of Sunday’s big day of big matches and big title-deciding.

Speaking to German football newspaper Oof! Ballack said, “I have visited their home and it is smelly. Also the wallpaper is peeling in the corners and they paint their grass. Also, the man who controls the car-park has odd, bunched-up features.”

The sour-faced Teuton continued, “Also, I found myself questioning how much love that had gone into the making of the souvenirs in the gift shop. Also, the carpet in the boardroom is a disturbing shade of deep purple. Also, there is still the whole thing with the Hindley woman which has not really been resolved to my satisfaction. So I think it is clear that West Germany are the greater club. I mean Chelsea.”