What The Papers Talk – European Special

ROME
AC Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti will not be leaving for Manchester City as he has got his coat caught in the revolving door of a very busy hotel. (BBC)

LARNACA
Tottenham defender Ricardo Rocha has told Juande Ramos that he wants to leave White Hart Lane this summer. He confided in Ramos that he had experienced a vivid dream in which God had told him to spend seventy days and nights sitting on a child’s merry-go-round in Larnaca. (Guardian)

LONDON
Arsenal midfielder Alexander Hleb has given his reason for handing in a transfer request. He claims that London is watching him and whispering cruel jibes in his ear as he parades naked through the West End. (Sun)

PALMA
According to reports in Majorca, Manchester City manager Sven Goran Eriksson was seen painting the front of his forehead white in an attempt to convince a local that he had a fringe. (Sky News)

WIGAN
Manchester United’s hopes of signing Wigan winger Antonio Valencia have been boosted after Sir Alex Ferguson offered to take the player to Argos and order him a Hot Wheels racing set. Meanwhile, Rafa Benitez has cooled his interest in Wigan’s £10m-rated Ecuadorian aromatherapist to concentrate his efforts on signing Aston Villa’s much sought after herbal witch doctor (right). (Manchester Evening News)

BIRMINGHAM
Aston Villa manager Martin O’Neill and club owner Randy Lerner have opened talks with Gareth Barry. Initially, Barry has asked Lerner and O’Neill to speak to him in Portuguese as he ‘wants to feel more foreign’. Barry does not understand Portuguese but will carry a phrase book to the meeting. (Daily Mail)

LISBON
Jose Mourinho has ruled himself out of an unlikely move to the left, preferring instead to contemplate a small shimmy to the right. (Stage and Screen)

ROME
Gennaro Gattuso has insisted that he is going nowhere as he is caught in a spinning hotel revolving door while trying to rescue a coat belonging to Carlo Ancelotti (left) (Four Four Two)