Kanu Snubs Pompey For Soup And Cake Dream

FA Cup Final hero Nwankwo Kanu will not pursue a new deal at Portsmoth, according to reports issuing from Fratton Park today. Instead, the mercurial Nigerian plans to open a small catering stand at Slough station which will offer a delicious selection of home made soups and cakes.

“Though scoring the winning goal for Portsmouth was a dream come true, I have one other dream,” announced the striker. “I feel there is a gap in the railway consumer environment for an outlet providing nutritious, high quality soups alongside slices of organic cake, topped with low calorie icings.”

In order to fulfil his goal, Kanu has snapped up the lease to what was a Puccino’s coffee stall on the Eastbound platform at the busy Great Western station in Slough. “It is ideal, apart from the ceiling being a bit low. I have room to store a daily selection of four home made soups, including a vegan option. My cakes will be individually wrapped and I hope to also serve a small selection of pre-wrapped salads and nuts,” he added.

Kanu’s stall will be officially opened by Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp on August 8th who said “It’s a shame Kanu has decided to leave the club but we can’t stand in his way.” Redknapp also revealed he feared for the future of the new business venture. “My boy Jamie mentioned to me that there was already a popular chain of high class fast food outlets called ‘Eat’ that sold soup and cake. Kanu doesn’t know this but we though it best not to piss on his chips. We’ll keep our fingers crossed for the lad.”