Chiles Left Speechless – At Last

Five Live, One Show and Match of the Day 2 presenter Adrian Chiles says he is “gutted and flabbergasted” by a new BBC instruction that he must stop talking about himself.

“I’m absolutely shocked,” said Chiles. “I feel the same as when the Baggies were relegated from the Premiership. Dumbstruck. Totally. I rode five hundred miles for Sports Relief and this is how they reward me. Totally shocked. Really. I am. I don’t know what to say….” continued Chiles, who then went on to discuss the matter in detail, referring constantly to himself, for several hours.

Chiles claims that, without being able to turn every conversation around so that he can talk about his own opinion, something he has done recently, his favourite football team, his weight, his looks or his family, he will be left without any topic of debate. A BBC spokesbot responded by saying that Chiles’ comments were “very fair. We hope that, by issuing a steady stream of rules regarding what he can and can’t say, he’ll eventually leave.”