Premier League Introduce Beard Limit

The top brass at the Premier League have become increasingly concerned over the number of beards seen in the top flight. As a result, a fixed number of permits will be issued for the 2008-9 season.

“We clearly have a problem with players not shaving,” revealed Premier League boss Richard Scudamore. “We run a multi-million pound business and our players are role models for thousands of children. If we do not put a stop to the increased levels of facial hair in the league, who knows what could happen?”

Scudamore became involved when a number of schools reported children wearing false beards in the playground. “During the lunch break kickabout, many children were becoming entangled in these false beards or tripping over them. It is a health and safety issue”.

Scudamore denies that the introduction of the permits has anything to do with a new sponsorship deal with Wilkinson Sword or the fact that he has far too much time on his hands. “I am a very busy man,” he said. “We will have to end the interview there as I need to have a shave with my new Wilkinson Sword Quattro Blade Vibro. Thank you for your time and kindness.”