The Funniest Names At Euro 2008!

Sports Offensive received the following press release. We felt that we should reproduce it in full…

Every International Football festival throws up names that tickle the funny bone. This year, the Department of Comedy at The University of Nottingham Trent has analysed all the names of players competing in the tournament and then created a definitive list of the most hilarious surnames at Euro 2008.

ADEMOV, RUSSIA
Reason: In English, this could be misinterpreted as ‘had them off’ which might possibly refer to the possible removal of a lady’s (or gentleman’s) undergarments, should that lady or gentleman be involved in some form of sexual act.
HUMOUR FACTOR: 4.4

CARVALHO, PORTUGAL
Reason: This name is funny because it sounds a little bit like ‘car valet’ and Carvalho looks like a man who might have been a vehicle cleaner in another existence. Or possibly the kind of man who would watch through a keyhole while someone performs a sexual act.
HUMOUR FACTOR:  2.1

CABANAS, SWITZERLAND
Reason: If this was spelt differently, it would be ‘cabanos’ which is a type of sausage. Though, without the ‘s’ it would be ‘cabana’, which is a type of cabin which is not quite as funny as a sausage. Unless it is a cabin made of sausage…or a place in which some form of sexual act might take place.
HUMOUR FACTOR: 3.6

FREI, SWITZERLAND
Reason: This is a very useful word for making very funny comments like ‘Frei-ing tonight!’ or ‘Don’t Be frei-tened!!’  Unfortunately, he has a bad injury which is not very funny. Unless he was injured while performing some kind of sexual act.
HUMOUR FACTOR:  2.3

VAN DER VART, HOLLAND
Reason: Because it rhymes with the word for an expulsion of gas from the posterior; A ‘fart’. This has been scientifically proven to be one of the funniest words in our department; though not funny when someone does one!!!
HUMOUR FACTOR: 4.8

Press contact: Alan Grantley
Head of Comedy
University of Nottingham Trent,
alanfunnyman @C.U.N.T.ed