What The Papers Talk

Tottenham are preparing a double swoop on Spain by booking a two for one self-catering deal in Lloret de Mar AND a cut price package coach trip to Barcelona to visit the Sagra Familia. (Daily Express)

Roma have been linked with Manchester United duo Michael Stipe and David Lee Roth. (Daily Telegraph)

George Boateng says the chances of him being at Middlesbrough next season are about the same as “Joey Barton discovering a cure for cancer in a Burger King Whopper.” (BBC Five Live)

Arsenal have been handed a big boost by Gael Clichy after he pledged his allegiance to the court of Arsene Wenger. Clichy said, “Wenger is my king, my saviour. For him I would gladly carry my sword into battle against the infidels. My blood will feed his legend, my soul add flame to the fire of his glory.” (Daily Star)

Tottenham are heading a list of clubs interested in Germany striker Albert Hammond Jnr. (Daily Mirror)

Aston Villa boss Martin O’Neill is leading the chase for Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips. “We last saw Shaun heading north across the rocks lining the gorge,” says the Villa manager. “He may have dived into the water, so we can’t send the hounds after him. We’re bringing the raft down from up river and hope to snare him before he reaches the waterfall.” (Daily Mail)

Villa are also in the running for Blackburn winger David Bentley. “This one is more complicated,” says O’Neill. “We can’t decide whether to enter a team into the 1500 metres or the 200 metre hurdles. Bentley says he will sign for whoever wins one of those two events. We know Chelsea’s kit man is pretty good across hurdles but he prefers a longer distance, usually 400 metres. Our physio used to run the 1500 at school. It’s a really difficult decision.” (Daily Express)

Nottingham Forest claim they have agreed a stunning £25m deal to buy a collection of paintings by Don Van Vliet, formerly known as Captain Beefheart. “Players are temporary, the art market is permanent”, revealed club chairman Nigel Doughty. “My favourite is ‘Crow! Crow! Black Gnarled Face, Field Machine Kill the Robot’.” (right) (The Sun)

Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp has returned from his trek into the Amazon basin. He says, “I went in search of the lost temple of Camunduhicha. Several of my group were lost to disease and a blow pipe attack by natives. When we finally reached what we believed to be the site of the ancient monument, our route was blocked by a landslide. So I knocked it on the head and flew back to Poole to walk the fucking dog.” (Daily Star)