Cloughie – Back From The Grave?Posted: June 30, 2008
Senior figures in the print and broadcast media have called for the resurrection of Brian Clough.
“To be honest, we don’t think there’s going to be enough to write about next season”, complained Henry Winter of the Daily Telegraph. “Scolari doesn’t speak English and looks set to confound us at every turn, Ferguson plays the power game too much and I don’t hold out much hope for Paul Ince providing a decent soundbite”.
Instead, a group of journalists are planning an act of necromancy in the hope of bringing charismatic and opinionated football legend Brian Clough back from the dead.
“The game needs characters like Cloughie now more than ever”, sighed Guardian columnist Martin Kelner. “He was a one-off, a nutcase and brilliant man manager. He said wonderful, confounding things and craved the spotlight. I am quite willing to spill blood in a satanic ceremony if it brings him back to our domain”.
Paul Hayward of the Daily Mail, who runs a coven in Hemel Hempstead, will host the black mass once the European Championships have ended.
He said, “I’ve invited six contacts over and we’ll start with a bit of naked dancing around my garden and then get into our cloaks around eleven. I’ll be summoning the dark lord at midnight and that’s when each journalist will stab themselves in the leg with a pen and drip some blood into chalices marking the five points of the pentagram. I’ll do a few incantations while Mark Pougatch from BBC Radio Five Live slits the throat of a goat in a final act of sacrifice. If that doesn’t bring Cloughie back, nothing will”.
Clough twice won the European Cup with Nottingham Forest, called The FA ‘shithouses’, Don Revie ‘bent’ and sadly died in 204 after a long battle with alcohol. Once resurrected, it is though he will take the vacant manager’s job at Milton Keynes Dons.