German Boss Loew Reveals Dreams And Fears

The mastermind behind Germany’s progress to the European Championship Final, Joachim Loew, has confirmed what many suspected and declared, “I look sehr sexy in fishnet stockings.”

In his first interview since Germany’s defeat at the hands of Spain, Loew said: “I have a recurring dream where I turn into a pretty French woman with small breasts”.

The one time assistant to Jurgen Klinsmann continued. “In it I am in a darkened nightclub in downtown Paris wearing a tight black and white striped T shirt and beret, with a smear of bright red across my lips. My hair is bobbed and I am smoking Gitanes and reading poetry of Baudelaire. I can feel mein hands caressing the stockings on mein legs. I can hear music, the rhythms of passion. It is Thomas Hitzlsperger on some bongos. And then I dance. I dance like a wild cat, like I had never danced before. Then I awake and I am drenched…”

Loew appears to be blaming the dreams for Germany’s failure in the Euro 2008 final, adding “It is trouble for me. I could not concentrate on tactics because all I wanted was to shop in Vienna for lingerie.”

Loew says he has reached a compromise with the German FA for the upcoming World Cup qualifying campaign and he will be allowed to wear fishnets under his trousers. He says, “It is a compromise but je ne regrette rien.”