TV Guide: This Week On Setanta…

Pro-Celebrity Meningitis
European semi-final as Jean Le Mesurier and Christopher Biggins battle it out for the ‘M/A/R/R/S Pump Up The Volume Shield.’

Stories Featuring Nurses
Read by Max Beesley and Rustie Lee. Tuesday – ‘Nurse Thwaite Takes A Short Cut.’

Southern Region Low Tog Duvet Folding
Felixstowe Feathermen take on Winchester Downandouts live from Bentall’s Soft Furnishings Department, Bournemouth. Hosted by John Leslie.

Pedalo World
The joys of foot-powered novelty boating with pedalo professional Alain Gare Du Nord.

Crackawheat Eating Championships 2005
Highlights from the first savoury snack biscuit-athon plus entertainment from popular boy band Another Level.

A Man Struggling To Find Screws
Location TBC

LIDL Manual Tyre Pumping Challenge
Teams from leading cut price consumer retail outlets throughout Lancashire hit the pumps in this ultimate tyre pumping speed contest. Keeping a weather eye on the PSI: Radio Lancashire’s Ted Robbins.

Live From The Wimbledon Aftermath
Tonight we feature a deranged woman in a tent wearing a Cliff Richard Gospel Tour 1991 T shirt and the day’s remaindered strawberry and cream sales figures (right), brought to you by Virginia Wade’s maid.

Knife Fight Night
From St. Anne’s, Nottingham. Survivors win a place in the Kitchen Devil European Finals and two gallons of unleaded petrol.

Onions Extreme!
Onion Caramelising from Rotherham, featuring Europe’s king of the caremiliser, Bik Van Guyt.