Bentley Swoop Could Trigger Chaos

It has been revealed that by landing transfer target David Bentley, Tottenham could trigger a whole chain of events, including a local vicar ripping skirt off a young mother.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF BENTLEY MOVES:

David Bentley signs for Tottenham Hotspur. Ink from pen squirts into Bentley’s face, causing him to lurch backwards and fall out of boardroom window at White Hart Lane…

Bentley falls onto a precariously placed plank, causing opposite end of plank to fly up. This sends a labourer carrying a bucket of wet plaster upwards. Labourer drops bucket of plaster onto head of passing vicar on bicycle…

Vicar on bicycle wobbles across traffic lane. Attempting to get balance, vicar accidentally tears off skirt of attractive young mum on zebra crossing…

A middle-aged driver of a white van catches glimpse of young mum’s underwear, says “Phwoarr!” and ploughs into fruit stall. Doors fall off van, steam squirts out of radiator…

Owner of fruit and vegetable stall tries to stop his melons rolling into street. He slips on a broken melon and skids down street and into buxom West Indian traffic warden. Shouting “My Melons!” he inadvertently grabs hold of buxom traffic warden’s chest and, outraged, she slaps a parking ticket on his head…

David Bentley pulls himself to his feet and brushes down his suit, not realising the chaos that has broken out in the road behind him.