Premier League Script In Final Draft Stage

The Premier League has revealed they are close to tying up the final league positions for the 2008-9 season.

League chief Richard Scudamore, main sponsor Barclays and representatives from BSkyB and the BBC have been thrashing out next season’s results for most of June and it is thought an agreement on a final draft script has finally been reached.

“We certainly know who the top four will be,” revealed an insider. “And the big news is that we will definitely have our final day showdown at the top of the table, as per usual.”

According to Premier League rules, if one team pulls ahead results must be re-designed to ensure the season goes down to the wire, thereby ensuring maximum value to media partners and brand rivals Adidas and Nike.  “Last season it was Manchester United and Chelsea and I am pleased to announce that next season it will be Chelsea and Manchester United”.

There is good news further down the league, too: “We are going to let Newcastle win an extra three games this season. Sunderland will go into April tied with Newcastle so that the teams will fight it out for regional superiority in the derby game to be televised on Sky on an otherwise drab sporting weekend in January”.

As for the relegation dog fight, this season two of the three teams promoted will go down plus one current Premier League team. “We feel that is what customers now expect and who are we to argue!”

The full script for the 2008-9 season detailing all results and final league positions will be available from the Press Association and the Premiership on August 9th.