Bell Tolls For Barry

Liverpool’s owners have failed to sign Gareth Barry from Aston Villa after the bell rang three times as they tried to move a loop of metal along a length of twisted and winding wire.

“We thought it was the best way to resolve the issue”, revealed Villa manager Martin O’Neill. “We ran a length of wire from Anfield in Liverpool, down the A roads of the Midlands to Birmingham and Villa Park. The Liverpool board then had to manoeuvre a loop of metal along the wire without touching it.”

Unfortunately, the Liverpool board touched the wire three times during the two hundred mile journey; once in Stoke On Trent, then again just outside Walsall and the final, deciding ring of the bell took place when Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez sneezed and frightened club Life President David Moores just as Moores was approaching the last few centimetres to the Villa Park gates.

“It’s a shame Barry won’t be leaving but the bell rang three times and our adjudicator, former professional referee Graham Poll, awarded the competition to Aston Villa.”