Fans Applaud Sky Soccer Deal

Football fans across the nation – and many Sky subscribers – today united in organising a big street party ‘thank you’ to Sky Television after it announced its £1bn deal with the Premiership.

“I couldn’t live without the live football Sky provides”, said viewer Gary Crawford shortly before settling down to watch Stoke City versus Blackburn, adding, “At the moment I’m only paying about fifty quid a month…thank God for Sky”.

Following tense scenes at the Premier League’s headquarters it was announced that Sky had won four of the six packages on offer. “We are delighted”, said Sky Sports boss Vic Wakeling. “This means Andy Gray and the whole Sky Sports football team will be on your screens for many years to come”.

“Football is core to Sky’s broadcasting business”, proclaimed Sky bigwig Jeremy Darroch. “It’s either the football or Gladiators or Noel Edmonds to be honest. It was a pleasure to pay a billion pounds to keep us in business”.

“You have to hand it to Sky”, said ex-Sky employee Brian Jardine. “If it wasn’t for Sky paying all that money – some of which is probably the wage I would have earned if Sky hadn’t fired me – I doubt we could enjoy the thrills of Premiership football any more”.