Pompey Compost ConumdrumPosted: March 10, 2009
Temporary Portsmouth manager Paul Hart has revealed his cunning scheme to recycle unwanted players has come to a halt due to local regulations.
“You would think the council didn’t want us to save the planet”, complained the caretaker boss. “I’ve got about fifteen players here that would make fantastic compost but I can’t even set up the new bin without permission from some paper pushers at the town hall”.
It appears that Hart has received THREE free compost bins from the council, whereas each household is only entitled to one. “Mr. Hart used the address for the football club, the club’s training ground and the address of a local car spare shop in order to fraudulently obtain two more bins than he is rightfully entitled to”, said a council representative. “We cannot allow him to proceed with his plans to compost players until he returns two of the bins and makes separate arrangements to buy any additional bins he feels necessary to do the job”.
Hart disagrees: “You’d think after all this club has done for the local community – what with David Nugent’s breakdancing classes and David James posing for the life drawing classes down the girl’s school – they could spare a couple of extra bins, but no. It’s bureaucracy gone mad as usual”.
Hart now plans to take his unwanted players down to the local council dump. “They have several small skips down there for recycling all kinds of sportsmen but the football one is always full. Hopefully they won’t notice if I put a couple of footballers in the cricketer skip by accident”.