Ronaldo Pomade Tirade

Sir Alex Ferguson fears Cristiano Ronaldo could quit English football because of a shortage of traditional hair pomade. “Cristiano uses a refined hair product originally created in Victorian times. He has run out and is now a very angry young man”.

The George Trumper Bay Rum and Caribbean Lime Pomade is currently out of stock due to a blockade of Port Royal in Jamaica by the British Navy. The Trumper Company’s fleet of Pomade vessels is stranded in the harbour. Says Sir Alex, “Unless the Navy allow those ships to set sail for English waters, Ronaldo will definitely leave this club”.