Potential buyers gunning for high scores in Newcastle United data room

More details have been released about the online ‘data room’ where prospective buyers of Newcastle United can peruse the club’s accounts.

An insider who helped to set the site up revealed that: “Obviously, we were a bit stretched when it came to the budget, but we’ve managed to set it up as a homage to the classic first-person shooter game Doom.”

Prospective buyers must roam around the data room, trying to collect books of accounts, stray receipts and letters from debtors before they can get a closer look at them. All the while, they’ll be coming under attack from a zombie army of Mike Ashleys, Chris Hughtons and Little Dennis Wises.”

The consortium who gets the highest score by the end of next week will get the club for the knock down asking price. When Sports Offensive tried to enter the data room last night, we were met with a ‘404 – page not available’ message.