Ancelotti Here “Mainly For The Men”

Carlo Ancelotti was today unveiled as the fifth Chelsea manager in five years and announced “John Terry, he is going nowhere. Because he is just too gorgeous”.

In faltering English the Italian maestro said his main reason for joining the Ambramovich empire was “to be close to the antique shops on the King’s Road and also to watch closely the thrilling young men in the Chelsea first team”.

Ancelotti said, “I have an artist’s eye for both design classics and the pert rear ends of finely honed athletes”.