Bellamy – My Pain

Manchester City manager Mark Hughes has revealed the reason why Craig Bellamy missed hooking up with his international team-mates: “a bad case of the Nobbies”

    Not only has Bellamy caused anger in the Weslh camp at his failure to appear in a recent friendly, but he could miss the Premier League kick-off due to his chronic Farmer Giles.Manager Mark Hughes sympathised: “For a benchwarmer, this is the worst possible state of affairs. Emma Freuds are a curse. We’re gutted for the boy.People often snigger when they hear someone has a terrible case of ceramics but I, myself, am plagued by swollen bum grapes and am constantly at the doctor’s for ointment.”

Bellamy is expected to fly out to Colorado to consult World famous specialist Dr Harrison Crowley about a possible long-term solution. Dr Crowley was recently credited with extending the playing career of Stephen Hunt, although he modestly claims ‘only partial success’ in relieving Hunt’s anal nightmare.