Bolton Take A Walk On The Wild Side

It’s ferrets versus snakes all the way at the Reebok Stadium this coming Sunday as Bolton hold their annual October Animalympics.

Manager Gary Megson will launch the event by releasing his pet ferret “Hampden” into a cage containing five grass snakes. “My money’s on Hampden coming out on top. Those snakes won’t stand a chance”.

Other events include the Paddypower sponsored rabbit skinning time trial. Club chairman Phil Gartside takes on all-comers as he attempts to hold onto his crown. “No-one can gut and skin a rabbit faster than me, I have special tools”, laughed the Bolton supremo.

Many first team squad members will be on-hand to sign autographs and daub the blood of a freshly killed stag onto the foreheads of local youngsters. “Some people think we’re a bit old-fashioned, backwards even”, says midfielder Matthew Taylor. “But we’re only raising money for local charities and having a bit of fun with our animal friends”.

The event will climax at sunset as on-loan keeper Paul Robinson attempts to walk barefoot across a pit of field mice.