Wolves Still Waiting For Health Test Results

Wolverhampton Wanders players have still not received the results of a recent health check kiwis.jpgundertaken by a ‘local health specialist’.

Manager Mick McCarthy is bemused. “We were visited by an official who said he represented the Wolverhampton and District Health Authority. He told me and the lads that he was offering free checks for men’s health problems. He had a white coat on and some rubber gloves and asked all of us to remove our shorts so that he could inspect our down belows”.

Midfielder Karl Henry picks up the story: “The doctor seemed to know what he was doing. He looked at our genitals and took some photos. He asked some of the lads if he could feel their testicles for any irregularities. Clearly, being a doctor, you don’t think twice and do what you’re told. He was very gentle and made a soft, cooing noise”.

“I have to say I am a bit concerned”, said McCarthy. “It’s not every day that you get a doctor coming down and asking to photo your privates. But he seemed the real deal. He was sweating a bit when he had George Elokobi’s plums in his hands…but it was quite a hot day”.

It now seems that the sweating man may possibly have been masquerading as a doctor. “Until we get the results of his report we’re a bit unsure what to think. It would be a bit embarrassing to find out this fellow was not a doctor. He’s got photos of the entire first team’s family jewels in his locker now. And George keeps asking me for the doctor’s phone number”.