Fellaini Coughs Up

If Everton boss David Moyes thought his team was finally settling down to winning ways after a poor start to the season, Marouane Fellaini’s fur-ball affliction has soon changed his mind.

With the team improving in the Premiership, the last thing the Everton gaffer needed was to see his tall Belgian striker coughing up large balls of hair.

Says Moyes: “We know it’s hair but we’re not sure how he’s getting it caught in his throat. Every time we settle into training set pieces, he hocks up another”. The fur-balls, about twelve inches in diameter, are proving a distraction to the team. Reluctantly, the striker has been put on the injury list. 

Everton club doctor Ian Irving is working on a theory that Fellaini may be eating his own hair in his sleep. “I have talked to Marouane about the fur-ball problem. He tells me he often dreams about eating candy floss. We think the two events may be related”.