Ferguson Fears Backlash

Sir Alex Ferguson could find himself facing a string of fresh complaints  following the FA decision to charge him with improper conduct.

Having criticised ref Alan Wiley over his fitness,  a number of other people are now coming forward to raise concerns regarding their treatment at the hands of the Manchester United manager.

First to the plate is former Manchester United player Paul Ince. “If Alan Wiley thinks he has been discredited by Sir Alex’s words, he should consider the way I was spoken to on several occasions. Sir Alex told me in no uncertain terms that I was a ******* useless bag of broken s*** biscuits, a complete waste of genetics and a flashy **** with no ******* stamina. A bit harsh, really”.

“I respect the gaffer, he is the best there is”, says former United striker Andy Cole. “But he did question my work ethic. Mr. Ferguson called me a lazy *******  **** and implied I had had some sort of illict relationship with my mother, who he suggested needed to lose weight also”.

“I will always have the utmost respect for Sir Alex”, says Craig Harrison, the security officer on the main car park gate at Old Trafford. “I love him, even though he once told me to hurry up and get that ******* gate open before I get out of my ******* car and tear you a new ******** and shove that ******* pole up your hairy English ****”.

Mr. Harrison and the two former United players are now considering their options, as are 75 other United players and members of staff. Alan Smith has been asked to represent the players and put their grievances to the FA. “Sir Alex Ferguson is the greatest manager in the history of the modern game”, says Smith. “But there was no need for him to say I had legs like a diseased cripple, that I looked like a ******** badger with an attitude problem and that I should take my ***** ***** and **** the **** with a rusty ****** ****** ***** while getting the **** off his ******* training ground”.