Trans-fer Woes For Pompey

Younes Kaboul, the Premier League’s first pre-op trans-sexual, has been warned that he will not be allowed to continue playing in the top flight once he has completed his transition.

A Premier League representative is quoted as saying, “Once they come off – he’s out. If he wants to go and play in the Championship or Europe, then that’s fine – but Premier League rules do not allow for trans-gender or non-gender specific individuals to play in our games”.

A spokesperson for Kaboul responded angrily, “He, I mean she, does not care about the Premiership rules. However he…sorry, she…is considering taking them to an industrial tribunal or possibly going on X Factor or something”.

A representative from Portsmouth FC was more circumspect. “I don’t see the problem. In the last few years we seem to have had nothing but players who perform like lasses, so what’s new?’