Big Mouth Strikes Again

After failing in his attempt to buy Newcastle United, Geordie businessman Barry Moat is now considering buying the naming rights to St. James’s Park.

Moat, who made his fortune selling a novelty singing fish, plans to rename the ground ‘The Big Mouth Billy Bass Bowl’. But Moat faces stiff competition from Northern bakery chain Greggs, who are considering making an offer.

They would like to rename the stadium ‘The Greggs Chicken Balti Pie Arena’. The Gallowgate End would become ‘The Greggs Chargrilled Chicken Ovalbite Stand’ with other areas of the ground called ‘The Greggs Cheese & Onion Pasty Family Enclosure’, ‘The Greggs Sausage & Bean Melt Concourse’ and ‘The Greggs Steak Bake Hospitality Suites’.

Shearer’s Bar would be re-opened as the largest branch of Greggs in the North East.

Club owner Mike Ashley is said to be delighted with the plans.