Barton: Clink ‘n’ Jinx In Sync

Newcastle bad boy and perpetual sick note Joey Barton has pledged to help his team by co-ordinating his bouts of imprisonment and injury.

“It’s not fair to the club, the fans or the rest of the team”, says Barton. “I’m either looking at a short stretch for punching someone in the face or I’m on the physio bench recovering from a strain”.

With Newcastle struggling to get their midfielder fit and available to play, Barton believes he has found a workround that will benefit the club. “What I’m thinking is this: the next time I get an injury, I’ll use that as an opportunity to go out and have a violent row with a stranger. That way I can recuperate in the nick”.

Owner Mike Ashley is thought to be delighted with the plan.