Cup Crap Slap As Shag Bid Storm Batters Innocent Hearts & Minds

Fans of North-East minnows West Auckland Town FC and romantic peasant-lovers everywhere are in deep shock after new evidence has revealed that the club never actually won the World Cup in 1909 and 1911 as widely believed.

The grandson of former club historian Bob Gosling has found a written confession from his long-dead grandfather stating that the whole thing was a hoax.

The letter revealed that the World Cup win was nothing more than a boast which Gosling had dreamt up in order to procure sex from gullible women in the town.

Gosling later went on to build the village of Goslingtown (right), just three miles from West Auckland which was populated by himself and his followers.

All four hundred villagers died in a mass suicide in 1923 after imbibing a cocktail of Sarsaparilla and cement.