Exclusive – Mystery Bidder Circles Old Trafford

A mysterious business consortium is planning to make an audacious bid for Manchester United.

67 year old Dessie Smith, a peg magnate from County Cork, leads the group and experts warn the United board could be in for a bruising battle. “These guys are accustomed to getting what they want”, said an unnamed analyst.

The first shots in the war were fired last weekend when Smith’s son, Weasel, offered to tarmac the car park at Old Trafford for £265 million. “It’s obvious they’re just putting out feelers”, explained our analyst. “I think the next move we can expect them to make is to come back in the dead of night and shovel some horse shit through the letterbox of the United Megastore”.

Although United are confident they can make a better offer to shareholders, Andy Holt, Chairman of the MUFC Supporters Group, isn’t so sure. “I think this could be the one that will finally shift the Glazers”, claimed Holt, adding: “They’re going to have to ask themselves one question, ‘Do I want to have a curse put on me?’ I must say I think the answer will be no.”

Above right – Dessie Smith, pondering his next move.



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