John Terry: now officially 'in heat'Posted: June 17, 2010
Visitors to the England team camp and hotel have been issued with official notice that captain John Terry is now in heat and must be approached with due care and attention.
Assistant coach Stuart Pearce handed out the notices and warned journalists: “No-one is safe. Once John goes in heat we all need to be on red alert. We have tried to confine him to his room with a selection of adult videos but he is begging to be let out”.
It is rumoured that Terry has been disturbing other residents at the team’s luxury hotel by howling like a baboon and rubbing himself up against pieces of furniture.
“We believe a Louix XII reproduction armchair caught fire due to excessive Terry frottage”, reports hotel manager Kurt Vanspall. “We managed to put out the fire, and Mr Terry’s ardour, with a large bucket of water”.
It is thought Terry will be in heat for at least seven days and the RAF has agreed to fly in rations of bromide, which will be placed in Terry’s Lucozade Sport.