After their Beastie Boys tribute, I now hate Coldplay even more…

Yesterday, a great man passed away. Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, aka MCA, aka Nathaniel Hornblower died at the criminally young age of 47. The outpouring of grief around the world can be measured by looking at social media – at one point in the US yesterday evening, nine of the top ten trending topics were Beastie-related.

As I tried to get a handle on the shocking, sorrowful news, I remembered my own period of hardcore Beastie Boys fandom – hearing Slow & Low on an EP that was given away with Record Mirror in 1985 and having my 13-year-old mind BLOWN; avidly buying up everything they released over the next year or so; being disappointed when they broke into the mainstream with Fight For Your Right (it wasn’t hip hop – I didn’t like it). Yes, I liked them before you did – I’ve always been hipper than you.

But this morning, my sadness has turned to blind rage after seeing and hearing the ‘tribute’ to Yauch from those unwelcome suppliers of lite-rock corporate shite, Coldplay (the Hamfatter that somehow made it) – a piano-led cover version of the aforementioned Fight For Your Right. Here, look… see… cringe…

In case you don’t have the stomach to play the video, what Chris Martin and his gang of humming building society cashiers have done is take a goofy, dumb-as-fuck, rock anthem and clinically removed everything about it that made it great, before infusing it with their trademark empty, soulless earnestness. Yes boys, you’re sad; we get it because we’re ALL sad – just don’t apply the standard Coldplay filter to what is the Beasties’ best-known song and instantly rip apart everything that it represents.

The only thing they could have done that would have been LESS appropriate than this fucking fiasco would have been to break into the morgue, find Yauch’s still-warm corpse, flicked his penis into some kind of vague erection and then wanked him off while Chris Martin played the harmonica and tapped his foot on the floor to keep time.

NOW look what they made me do….


12 Comments on “After their Beastie Boys tribute, I now hate Coldplay even more…”

  1. Mike Morris says:

    People on Twitter saying that performance ‘moved them to tears’. Me too, but probably not in the same way.

  2. Joey says:

    Jeez, it was only a tribute…

  3. Ciaran says:

    So annoyed that I actually read this.

  4. I like it, it was a moment of acknowledgement from one musician to another. Whether you like Coldplay or not I don’t think you can fault the sentiment behind it. I think the sound of everyone there yelling out the backing vocals is quite moving and it demonstrates that people of all musical tastes liked the Beastie Boys.

  5. @mmmikewilkins says:

    Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Turning that song into soppy dinner party easy listening. If they really wanted to pay tribute, I would love to have seen them put the original track over the PA while they stood on stage silently. Then try to follow it.

  6. landells says:

    Bloody hell… how to turn the Beastie Boys into Neil Diamond

  7. Darran says:

    Its a tribute and as they and the crowd sing at the end, ‘So we’re sending all our love to the Beastie Boys’. Different people grieve and pay tribute in different ways. If you don’t like it then don’t go to their concert or buy their albums, but don’t pay out on someone for paying tribute. Especially when there is a good chance those people are probably better friends to the Beastie Boys than you. The real disgrace is this blog because I’d say you only posted it to get attention from others misfortune.

  8. eurozappa says:

    It appears the author hasn’t moved on since 1985.

  9. Chris says:

    its not a case of moving on its a case of killing the spirit of everything that MCA was about. Fuck coldplay and the middle of the road safe bullshit they stand for. Carry on

  10. I fully agree with Mr Swan. Chris Martin has knocked Bono off the number one spot for pontificating jumped up troubadour. Venal molluscs both of them. This was my Beastie Boys tribute!/BenedictFarse/status/199501597536034817

  11. Jane says:

    “The outpouring of grief around the world can be measured by looking at social media – at one point in the US yesterday evening, nine of the top ten trending topics were Beastie-related.” Dude, if you measure things in life by their ‘trending value’, you really need to log off and get out more. Perhaps listen to some nice Coldplay and you won’t feel the need to write predictably scathing blog posts about how other people grieve. Yeah, yeah, we get it, you make SHOCKING comments about a dead man being wanked off. Scathing by numbers. Back to reading Charlie Brooker’s columns for you.

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