Here’s some cartoon strips that I wrote for Loaded a long time ago. A genius called Tim Major drew the pictures.
Remastering Electronic’s second album
Taking the pig to market
Borrowing God’s socks
Cancelling a standing order
Draining the Zambezi
Contacting the ombudsman
Singing the browns
Conquering the Cayman Islands
Supporting the Brand New Heavies
Upgrading to HD
Giving away the image rights
Knocking the top seed out in the quarter-finals
Burping the keynote speech
Getting the bonus ball
Observing the 10pm curfew
Ignoring the lodger
Combing the beach for old coins
Puking the blue Smartie
Exercising the witch
Hosting the Eurovision
Bombing the car boot sale
Chatting with Edwyn Collins
Queuing up for Pearl Jam tickets
Intimidating the witness
DMing Pee Wee Herman
Sneaking in to the labour exchange
Peter Panning / Tinkerbelling
Handing back the MBE
Paddling in the septic tank
Fiddling while Rome bursts
Fanning Her Majesty
Ignoring the gymkhana
Feeding Boss Hogg
Loving the alien
Mining for spam
Driving Miss Daisy
Escalating the grievance
Drizzling the beatnik
Getting to know James Bolam
Decorating the panic room
Multi-Coloured Swap Shop
Being affected by one of the issues in tonight’s show
Drinking the bra dry
Cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese and biscuits
Spoiling the Durham Miners’ Gala
Got the January blues? Take heed of the advice handed out by this car park ticket machine in Durham…
Typical – bemused by the success of Sherlock, you try to come up with a winning alternative idea for BBC1’s Sunday evening line up. Having duly thought of one, you then do a quick Google search only to realise that it’s been done before.
Now I must go and mournfully throw away my hastily-written one page treatment for ‘Starfish Hitler’…
Factual Healing is my new eBook – a collection of some of the most incredible facts about a wide range of subjects, from hospitals to prisons to babies to booze. You can read an excerpt from it here.
Please note that factuality of facts contained within the book cannot be verified. Do not attempt to use any of them in a life or death situation.
But the good news is that you can have it nestling in your phone or e-reading device in just a few seconds time for only 99p (or for £1.02 in the Kindle Store – not sure why it costs more there to be honest)
To buy it in .mobi format (for Kindle), click this button.
To buy it in .epub format (iBooks and other e-readers), click this button.
To buy it in a slightly crappy-looking PDF format, click this button
Or at least according to Ebony magazine in 1985. Brace yourselves, because it’s eerily accurate…
Earlier on, I was alerted to the FULL list of So Solid Crew members on Wikipedia. It was a thing of wonder. Shortly afterwards, it was removed from the site, probably by laugh-allergic boffins. So I got a screengrab. Here it all is….
(By the way, I didn’t write any of this, although I wish I had)